Typing Because My Roommate is distracting
I’m going to be honest Connor is on facetime with someone and I cant concentrate but I have to stay up till 12 to book an order on tesco and I want to spend some time in prayer. So here I am.
I still dislike praying online. I guess I am really just using this as a journal.
I zoomed (Facetimed) my DTS today. It was really cool to see how everyone was doing. I kind of miss everyone tbh. Time flies and it sucks. I wish I could pause time and live in moments in life forever. I wish I could jump back to when I was in DTS and hang with everyone back home. I was also just on a zoom call with Camp ppl and I wish I was back there too. I wish I was better at keeping relationships with people while I’m away from them. God help me keep the people who are important to me. I don’t want to leave them. I’m going to read some of judges and I will type my thoughts here:
God thank you for never leaving me, thank you for always calling me deeper calling me farther. Help me pursue you and keep in touch with the people that mean the most to me. I think my biggest frusteration with Judges is discipleship. I can’t see that at all in Judges. Its probably one of my biggest problems with the bible. If people were always discipling one another we wouldn’t have the problems so often occuring throughout the bible. Like maybe we would but if the people were truely discipled well there wouldn’t be a problem of falling away from the faith as much I feel. God make me a discple. Show me how to disciple and help me learn how to lead and help show otheres how to disciple. Give me oppurtunities to help people grow in the spirit and the word of God. God i want to change other peoples lives so bad. But I am scared of what is going to happen if I enter the world. I kind of feel unequipped to deal with this kind of stuff. But I know that going out is all part of the experience. I know that God doesn’t call people to do things that are comfortable, no where in the bible does he ask someone to do something that is easy. I mean he probably has but it hasn’t been recorded because there is no reason for it to be. It’s not a good story.
I think my problem is I never feel like I can hear the word of the Lord correctly. I never know what God is saying. I don’t know if God is calling me to Kelowna or Winnipeg or maybe hes calling me into missions. I have heard though that God has given me a choice, and that choice is freewill. I feel that part of my choice is choosing something that I don’t know is the right path. In reality this is one of the most fundamental choices that humans have to take. We have to decide what we are going to do with our lives and I think sometimes hearing from God in every decision is the easy way out. Hearing from God to do something can mean a lot of sacrifice but I think not hearing from God can mean even more. Then you have to choose, and that’s scary because there is so much to chose from, and if God doesn’t chose one for you there is the option of you picking the wrong thing and messing up. The scary thing about that is faith. I need to have faith that whatever I choose that God will be with me no matter what. That even though the odds of me making the best decision is low, actually impossible, I have to trust that that won’t stop God from bringing about his kingdom. Which is scary. But it’s true. The moment that God can’t reach you is the moment that the world turns into a marshmellow and at the same time turns into something that isn’t a marshmellow. What I’m saying is that that is impossible, because it contradicts itself.
God give me wisdom. In James 1:5–8 you promise wisdom on anyone that asks for it. God right now I ask for wisdom from you. I ask for wisdom on how to approach making this decision. I ask for wisdom on how to meet you every day and how to keep my spark burning strong, and how not to hide my lamp. Give me energy and give me strength.
